If I knew Friday was the End of the World….

What would I do? What would I regret?

I was going through an old diary of mine and I stumbled upon a page where I had asked myself and answered the two questions above. It really was an interesting read and I think the moral of the exercise has been made clearer to me today than it must have been four years ago.

My responses where very interesting and funny enough most are still relevant today, probably with a few tweaks here and there but things are pretty much the same. I guess some things in life remain constant. I’m going to share my responses here mainly because I think they highlight the things I care the most about in my life and also because this whole sharing exercise might just inspire someone else. Self evaluation really is critical for advancement. 

So…

What would I do?

1. "Get T roses and hug him a span."

T was the boyfriend at the time. The fact that he came first on the list was really really interesting to me because when we broke up (two years after this) one of the reasons God gave me as to why the end of that relationship was eminent and beneficial for me was that I had given T an idol like status in my life. I had started to put him first and not God. Also I love roses and he always used to get me roses so I suppose getting him roses was one of my final ways of reciprocating all the love. Hmmmmmm 

2. "Get A chocolate."

A is a very close friend of mine who I love with all my heart. I have no idea why she came second on the list but one thing is for sure she loves chocolate and although we are continents apart all the time we are constantly talking. I mean I talk to her ALL the time. Hahahaha yeah, I don’t know what state of mind I was in. LOL

3. "Write mom and dad a letter telling them I love and appreciate them. Give them Hugs."

I think this is one thing that will always always stand no matter what. I mean I know for sure that over the years I have worked harder and harder at this, before it really wasn't the order of the day but I know now most phone calls with my mom end with I love you and with dad it may be a bit awkward to go for the whole mushy I love you stuff but it happens once in a while and definitely in texts and emails. I try to always show my gratitude but with that said if I knew Friday was the end I would still have this one on the list.

4. "Do something cool for C2 and C3. Leave C2 all my money and give C3 my iPod. Give them hugs."

C2 and C3 are my brother and sister respectively. I’m not sure how much money I had at the time and I know now oftentimes C2 has more money than me but I guess at the time those were my most prized possessions. I doubt today I would use the word ‘cool’ and I think one thing I would do rather than give them stuff would be just to spend some quality time with them and tell them how much I love them and how they are so precious to me. If it wasn’t the end of the world and it was just me departing from this world I probably would encourage them never to give up on their dreams and to work hard in life because I believe in them and know they will do great and mighty exploits….then leave them with all my stuff. I think now this is extended to all my cousins who I have grown closer to over the years. They are not immediate family but we have grown so close that they might as well be.

I also think Hugs were a way of showing my love back then. I’m not sure if they would be part of the big send off now.

 5. "Make sure I went to Lunchtime prayer on Thursday."

This is funny. God/church/ prayer finally makes an appearance at #5, scheduled for the day before the end. I don’t know what exactly to say about this. Maybe it's an indicator ofwhere my priorities were placed at the time and the position I gave God and my spiritual life? I'm quite disappointed actually. 

6. "Text A, B, C, D, E and F and tell them I love them and thank you."

A, B, C, D, E and F were my close circle of friends. I’m still pretty close with most of them and casually talk to the one I’m not so close with and well as for this entry I think I probably would have the same entry but maybe not with so much emphasis because I think I tell my friends I love them waaay too much for their comfort zones. I’m the mushy one amongst and if it’s not a random message or an emotional voice note it’s an inbox every few weeks. I’m doing much better in this department and would probably leave without a guilty conscious if I had to. As with every other thing there is always room for improvement though.

7.  "Get P a thank you something that she would always remember me with."

P is also a really close friend of mine. I don’t know if she has that something that she will always remember me with, I’m not even sure why it was critical that she remember me but yeah she is a friend that has stood by me for years and years and her featuring on my list makes a lot of sense.

Aaaaaaand that was it…..

Not much to ride home about but in summary  I realized that put simply all the above was centered on 1 thing : RELATIONSHIPS.

·         My romantic relationship

·         My family relationships

·         My friendships

·         My God relationship

The people in my life matter to me. More than I knew. My relationships form the core of who I am and what I value. They formulate the things I would think about if Friday was the end of the world.

I suppose now after realising this I should carefully consider investing more time in them and nurturing them because without them at the end of my time what would I stand speak of?...nothing.

It wasn’t money that came to mind or my education or the level of success I hoped to attain. It was People!

So on the 'what would I regret' side of things, the list was pretty short. I mentioned 4 things.

1.       Not being baptized.

I have since been baptized. Praise the Lord. At the time I think I thought being baptized was a deciding factor for weather or not you went to heaven. 

2.       Not helping Mummy cook.

I’m not a fan of cooking. Never have been, not sure if I ever will be but it’s something my dad always used to fuss about. My mom doesn’t do much cooking anymore but I think now this can be linked generally to just helping her. She had a stroke later on that year and as a result us just being there to help her with whatever she needs is a critical element. I try to do so always, sometimes I get tired and frustrated and try to avoid the duties but yes at the end of my time here on earth, if I don’t give off my best in helping mummy (and daddy) it’s something I’ll always be one down about. I’ll remember this. Help mama! J

3.       Not going for prayer with P.

Yeah I think I had other priorities that went above prayer meetings at the time and I guess it was something I always felt I should be a part of. I must say now I do attend a lot more prayer meetings and I guess now what would be the replacement of this would just be spending more time with God. Reading his word and serving him through whatever I do in life.

4.       Not answering calls from M and P.

I must confess that sometimes I just don’t feel like talking and I ignore phone calls. I don’t feel so bad about it anymore, maybe coz now it’s so deeply embedded in me (cringe)…probably not a good thing. I’m not really bothered by this one to be honest, sometimes I just don’t feel like talking and I normally call people back when I’m in a better mood. I will definitely think about this some more.

I am really glad I did this 4 years ago. Reading this now has helped me put stuff into perspective. To see where I have come from, to evaluate where I am at now and highlight what really matters to me. I would like to encourage anyone reading this blog to do this exercise for themselves…..I’m doing a rerun of it again today! J

Ask yourself; If Friday was the end of the world what would I do and what will I regret? It's worth the effort and remember the faintest ink is better than the best memory so write it down. It will be worth the read in 20 years time. 

XOXO

Chido Dziva Chikwari

P.S The reason why I went to my old journal was to review my Strategic Life Plan. Something I think everyone should work on. More to come on that.

Stay smiling!