Peaces ~ Pieces

We managed to put it back together.

It is whole again.

Functioning.

We pieced together all the broken pieces.

And it’s beating again.

The blood is flowing in and out,

It’s bright red like it was before.

 Mended.

Would you believe it if I still didn’t believe that you were gone?

I showed up that day, the day we sent you off.

I wanted to see if you were really gone.

I waited to see if it was you.

I stood at a distance and watched as they lowered your box.

Gone.

I keep asking myself where you went?

I stay expectant for you to text,

Like you always did.

I don’t believe that you are gone.

Gone.

“How much?” he asked.

How much?

How much would I be willing to compromise?

What things would I be willing to set aside, to live without?

How much?

“Not much?” I responded.

There wasn’t much I wanted to do without.

I wanted it all.

Compromise.

Isn’t it amazing how a person can feel like home.

A steady calm coming to life in their presence.

Home.

Home.

I thought the end would be well signposted.

I thought we’d be able to see it as we approached.

I didn’t expect the vast nothingness I feel now.

There is an overwhelming calm all around.

I think this is what I prayed for all those years ago.

Freedom.

Over. 

xoxo 

Chido Dziva Chikwari 

All the above are pieces that are centred around peace, for me. I find it difficult to explain some of the things that I write and unfortunately there is just too much here to explain. My hope however, is that you managed to salvage something from all the pieces. :) 

Keep Shining! 

You will be Happy

“You will be happy!

The sun will shine and you will sing again,

You will sing and laugh and dance,

And joy will full up within you.

It will rise with the beating of your heart

And peace will overcome your soul.

Child, you will be happy!”

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

The piece above is me telling ‘previous me’ from where I am standing today that I will be happy. I read a quote a few days ago by Robert Brault that said, “Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” It was at the end of a very stressful day at work this week where all I wanted to do was lie down and be left ALONE! I was tired and frustrated about all the things that were going wrong and all the things that still needed to be done. Tired!!  And then something bad happened, well it wasn’t that bad but it was bad all the same. I called out for my son while sitting on the couch and he didn’t respond. I got up to go and find him (still tired) only to find him in my parent’s room with a huge patch of hair on his head shaved off. It looked really bad (no hair could be saved) and in that instant, all I could do was laugh. I burst into uncontrollable laughter and couldn’t stop for several minutes afterwards. Anyone who knows me knows how much I loved his hair and how this under normal circumstances would have made me cry. Maybe it was just the stress inside me that made me laugh but he looked so ridiculous and I couldn’t help but laugh. When he was supposed to get a spanking Malachi got a huge hug and a much happier mom asking him what his reasoning was for shaving the top of his head.

We have tiny pockets of joy in our lives that often take us by surprise. They seize us and involuntarily we have to embrace them. This was one of those moments and over the years there have been many but if someone had told me moments before as I was sitting on that couch I wouldn’t have believed them. If someone had told me 3 years ago when I cried almost every day that this unexpected gift was going to make me so very happy every waking day I wouldn’t have believed them. I am not sure what I am trying to say exactly but the easiest thing I can think of right now is what they always say, “It will all be okay in the end.” I don’t know what mountain you are faced with, Lord knows I have several. Or what desires are burning in your heart that you don’t know how to bring to pass. You will be okay. Take each day as it comes, do what you must and when you can, do try to pause in your pursuit of happiness and embrace the pockets of joy that show themselves every so often.

You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance;

You have taken away my sorrow

And surrounded me with joy.

So, I will not be silent;

I will sing praise to you.

Lord, you are my God;

I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 30:11-12 (GNT)