I love You

 When I met you for the very first time,

When your heartbeat was but a tiny green light flashing on the ultrasound machine,

I knew!

Malachi,

I knew that I loved you. 

When I held you then,

A promise growing quietly in my belly,

You gave me peace.

In the midst of storms your gentle fluttering kept me strong.

I sang to you,

I spoke to you,

You gave me hope.

Even then,

Mamu,

I loved you!

When I named you;

My Messenger,

My Angel,

The one who makes things right,

Your anointing was as strong then as it is now.

You have turned my mourning into dancing,

My sorrow into Joy.

Munatsi,

I love you!

Your smile.

Your laugh.

Your never ending joy,

That bubbles and overflows into the atmosphere around you,

Contagious!

Your calm yet vividly ALIVE spirit.

The spring in your step.

The song in your heart that forces you to Sing,

To sing and dance at every chance.

You are the rhythm of my soul,

Now and forever more,

Papa,

I love you!

xoxo

Mom

This piece was inspired by and written for my son, Malachi Munatsi. Malachi is a Hebrew name from the Bible and it means My Messenger or My Angel. Munatsi is Shona and it loosely translated to “the one who makes things right”. He responds to both names but we also (true to Zimbabwean nature) have dozens of nick names; Mamu, Mumu, Kai, Natsi, Papa… I believe in the power of a name and some of his are spotted in this piece but that is a story for another day. 

I have dozens of pieces written for him in my archives and notebooks, but this one is one I felt I should share.

I love my son so much and what I wrote is but a tiny glimpse of that reality. I wish the whole world could meet him because he is just such a joy. He smiles often, gives such warm hugs and unexpected kisses it’s impossible to not have your heart melt. I am beyond blessed to be his mother and so far motherhood has been an absolutely amazing journey. I have enjoyed watching him grow more than anything I have ever done. The story of how he came to be is a really long one and probably deserving of an entire book on its own (maybe one day!) but yes, initially it was marred with tears (he wasn’t part of my immediate life plan) and then has been splattered with insurmountable joy (I wouldn’t trade him for any other life plan!).

I guess the lesson in this is that it is amazing how God works. When circumstances are glum and what’s on the outside looks like planet earth is going up in flames what he is working out on the inside can literally turn your world upside down in a good way! Another lesson that I’ve learnt from mothering is how Gods love works. God loves us DESPITE it all, he loves us outside of anything we have ever done or will ever do. My love for Malachi drew me to instinctively be protective of him even before I held him in my arms. It was not because of anything he had ever done or will ever do and it needed no reason. Malachi has dunked two of my phones down the toilet bowl and despite being EXTREMELY FURIOUS I still had it within me to hold him in my arms, rock him to sleep and kiss him goodnight a few hours afterwards. If I a human being who errs at every turn can be compelled to love like that, how much more does God love us? It’s a special kind of experience.

I wonder, is romantic love anything like this?

Keep shining!!

Biblical Reference

Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness

Ephesians 3:17-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge— that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.