Motherhood: 25 Random Things I’ve Learnt (so far)

Being a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life (so far). People have their own unique experiences and I’m told a mother’s experience with each of her own children can also be worlds apart. I really don’t think there is a codebook, however, these are 25 little nuggets I’ve picked up in my first 34 months as a mom to the most amazing little boy in the whole wide world!

1. You know Nothing and Everything at the same time [see lesson #14]
2. You Love your child Unconditionally: it doesn’t matter what, you Love with your whole heart.
3. Sleep is scarce and to be greatly appreciated when the opportunity arises.  
4. When they start walking it can be very scary. They fall over a lot.  
5. When they start talking it can be very exhausting: “Why Mhama? When Mhama? Where Mhamha? Who Mhamha? How Mhama?”
6. Alone time is rare. Very rare. It must also to be treasured. 
7. You must remember to remember yourself. Your child can literally take over your life.  [see #6 above] 
8. Your little person has the power to melt your heart and make nothing else matter. They can also use this power to manipulate you as they get older, “Please Mhamha?”
9. Always come home armed with Kinder Joy (just in case)
10. Your child is not stupid (the 1 and 2-year-old version – very smart!)
11. Everything your child does is an act of communication - listen carefully.
12. They grow SOOOOO FAST! Treasure each moment and also buy clothes a size or two bigger.
13. No day is ever the same as the last but establishing routines is important.
14. There is no formula, no manual, no code book. Trust your instincts [also see lesson #1 above]
15. Do not be afraid to ask for help. You will need it. [see lesson #24 below]
16. Quality time with your child is important, you are the world to your little prince/princess.  
17. Plan ahead e.g. always take a change of clothes when you leave the house, accidents happen.
18. Children are really expensive [see #9 above].
19. A child takes up a lot of luggage space when traveling.
20. It’s really difficult to shop alone with a sleeping baby. 
21. Parenting is easy - said no one ever! It’s really hard work.
22. Visits to the emergency room will happen. If you can, get medical aid and always have paracetamol at hand.
23. You may feel like it sometimes but you are not a bad parent.
24. It does take a village to raise a child. You will never be with your child 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. The people around you and your child matter a lot! [also see lesson #15]
25. You pray for your child(ren) more than you do yourself.

 xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

I Will Tell Him the Truth

I will tell him the truth.

I will tell him that you loved me and that I loved you.

I will tell him of the day we met and how when our eyes met we knew.

I will tell him how we were drawn to each other, 

How we talked and how we laughed.

I will tell him all our stories; the ones I can remember.

I will tell him about the park and the plays.

I will tell him how we danced and found each other again and again and again.

I will tell him how you celebrated when you heard he was coming.

I will tell him the truth.

I will tell him that you love him.

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

image source: www.ivanguaderrama.com

This piece is the sequel to a previous post titled "Absent"
Click to follow the link. 

Becoming Myself

She started to grow on me

Day by day I felt her becoming more of herself

She began to move with me and within me

The beating of her heart, a part of me

She was familiar, I knew her.

Becoming Myself.

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

This year has been such a varied experience filled with amazing highs and unexpected lows. I have laughed and I have also cried uncontrollably. I look back at the year past and realize that this is the first year, after so many years, that I have started to truly feel comfortable in my own skin again. I have rediscovered parts of myself that I hadn’t realized I was missing. The piece above is a tiny glimpse of that feeling.

I pencilled these down a few days ago and thought that now would be a good time to share 5 lessons that I have learnt this year in the hope that they will inspire someone:

1)    Get on With It.

I have had some extremely disappointing lows but if there is anything my current standing is testament to it is that you must never allow your low to be your end game. Keep going. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. You are allowed to feel discouraged, disappointed, disheartened and all the rest of it but once you’ve given it some time get on with it. There is often a reward for persistence. Don’t give up. You have no idea the amazing highs tomorrow may have in store.

2)    You Are Capable of So Much More.

This is almost a run on to lesson number 1 but this year I have been stretched so much. So much to the point where I started to feel like the things I was facing where there to break me. I later realized though that some of the challenges and obstacles were only in place to increase my capacity. Looking back at the year I can safely say that I made it. I did those things that I didn’t actually think I was going to be able to manage. I stretched myself and at the end of the year came out better for it. Oftentimes comfort isn’t good and we hardly grow in our comfort zones. This is not ideal. Attempt that thing that you want to do but fear you may not be able to.

3)    Pleasant Surprises Exist. Hold onto Hope. 

This lesson is somewhat explanatory but I guess what I mean to say is never say never. You never know what tomorrow has in store or what’s waiting for you around the corner. Good things exist and good things do happen. I don’t know what it is you may have given up on and I suppose this action doesn’t require much ‘doing’ but may just be a word of encouragement; doors open in unexpected places and at unexpected times. Don’t despair prematurely. I never thought my life would lead me to where I am today and on many occasions this year God has surprised me. Some surprises even included re-awakening parts of myself I thought were long gone. 

4)    You Have So Much More to Learn.

In many ways, this year has showed me how little I know and also how small I am in the grand scheme of things AND how this is not a bad thing! I now know that there is so much in this world I am yet to take in. I learnt that I must open myself to learning from everyone and everywhere. It is only in opening yourself up that you allow yourself to grow. Learning isn't always easy. In learning you sometimes have to acknowledge your weaknesses, the things you don't know. This can be very difficult especially when you think you already know so much. Growing can hurt and sometimes also means letting go of 'old truths'. 

5)    Peace and Happiness – You Are in Control

The things that bother you don’t have to bother you sometimes. I have carried so much within me for so long! This year I learnt that sometimes it just takes ‘getting on with it’ and opening yourself up to new experiences to find peace and happiness. I learnt that most times both these things lie within and not in the hands of anybody or anything. I feel that so often we relinquish our power to things that are ‘beyond our control’ but sometimes it all lies within us and when you look inside all the answers are there waiting for you. I'll say this again, You are in control.

Keep Shining!

Two Wise Words

Why not?

I can almost hear her saying it and all my doubts begin to scatter,

She says it so “matter of fact” like, 

Like there isn’t a reason in the world for me to not live out my dreams. 

She says it with so much conviction, 

Like I actually can BE and DO anything I want to, 

Like the world is my oyster and I’m bound for success. 

Why not? 

She says it like I deserve good things, 

And there isn’t really any other way.

Why not? 

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari 

I’m always saying this and I’ll say it again but my mother literally gives me wings. She has so much faith in my capabilities and she’s often the first person I run to when I have an idea. Nothing is ever “too much” for Mhamha and as I sat on the train this evening having doubts a silent whisper reminded me, “Why not?”

Thank you Mom for always believing in me! ❤️ 

You are capable. You are able. 

Keep Shining

Morning Jewels

“Each New Day is another Opportunity to Wear a Great Pair of Earrings”

Chido Dziva Chikwari

I love earrings, I literally collect them everywhere I go. I love their colours and how they can make any ordinary outfit pop. I love the way they can take different shapes and sizes and how sometimes I can actually wear a pair that matches my mood. Earrings are my thing; however, I am not a fashion blogger so you must be thinking, “What is this about?”

Well, this post is about getting out of bed in the morning and can be summed up in one question, “What makes you excited to see each new day?”

For me one of the things is that every day I get to decide which pair or earrings to wear. I also love my work and I see the purpose behind my 9-5. My sons’ amazing smile and warm hugs are another big motivator; seeing him is something I look forward to (although on most days he is up before I am). Different things help me get out of bed each morning and I think the sum total of them cumulate to why I love my life. This is not to say that everything is perfect in my world. A lot of things aren’t but each morning before I get out of bed I pick one good thing to “help me” out of bed and over the years I have seen how much of a positive difference that can make.

I cannot reiterate the importance of finding purpose and staying motivated – even in and for the seemingly small things (like earrings). Sometimes that one small thing can be the difference between finding yourself in a rut all day or having something to smile about. It doesn’t have to be that you have everything in your life in order; you just have to have something to look forward to. Find the things that set your heart on fire!

Keep Shining