Look A Little Closer

Over the past week  through two encounters I have learnt a bit about judging people and also gained an appreciation of how we are all faced with different internal situations. I have learnt to be slow to anger or speak as well as the importance of LISTENING. Listening not only to the words spoken but listening to the heart. 

Okay so you are probably thinking, "Huh....How does one listen to the heart?"

That's a really good question and I'm not entirely sure how to answer that but what it is to me is that it goes a little deeper than meets the eye or ear. The bible says in Jeremiah 17:9-10, "But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human." and this is where my notion runs from.

This "life lesson" or impression leans a lot to the cliche side of life where you have probably heard it all before with all the catch phrases and what not but I've decided to tell it using my own words through my own experiences and hopefully it well help someone see some of the issues i'll touch on in a different light as well as the issue at hand..... 

look a little closer....... 

Encounter #1)

I work at a government clinic in one of the high density suburbs of Harare. I work directly with pediatric HIV and on numerous occasions I have found myself ANGRY! My anger is often directed to to the parents of these children whose condition has gone undiagnosed for years despite the fact that the parents have been coming in for their monthly supplies of antiretroviral drugs for years. They are on treatment and their children are not. They have never had them tested and I often find myself feeling unsympathetic and angry. I get angry and consider them foolish and selfish for protecting themselves while disregarding the life of their offspring....
 And then when I think about it a bit more it starts to hurt. It starts to hurt when I look at the child  who is often extremely ill by the time they land up at the clinic and it dawns on me that he/she hardly understands what's going on. With and HIV positive result this child's life has changed forever. From that day onwards it is likely that he/she will be having to take multiple drugs on a daily basis because of something that was predetermined waaaay before he/she could use her voice to ask, "Mummy why?". Then I understand WHY....why a mother would try hard to convince herself that her child couldn't possibly be HIV positive. Why she would keep him/her away from confirmed medical diagnosis in a bid to shelter her baby's childhood and life. If it's not confirmed then it can't be so. Fear. She doesn't want to believe that it can be, it is difficult to accept and this is exactly where a single glance or looking at "the facts" doesn't cut it.
You have to look a little closer and listen to the heart.... The heart of a mother who understands so little about a condition except that it makes you ill and cannot be cured. The heart of a mother who loves her child and wants only to protect them. 

 I have learnt to cut people some slack. It's not easy to deal with some of these things and I've had to put myself in their shoes to appreciate and understand.... It's not near justifiable but it is someone else's reality. 

Encounter #2) 

Zimbabwe has been hit with the whole "the other woman"/"small house" pandemic and phrases such as the aforementioned have become far too common. I have personally heard young women encouraging it for whatever reason and on other occasions divulged on how they are the other woman. When I hear this I get ANGRY! I get angry because I want to believe in love and being faithful to your husband/wife. I get angry because it messes with the fairy tale marriage I have in mind. I get angry because my mother is married and I know how much it would pain her if she discovered there was another woman. I get Angry!...And then it starts to hurt.  It starts to hurt because I have no control over it and I cannot change things. My pastor once said to me that, "Hurt people hurt other people." and sometimes this is the reason WHY. 

When you look a little closer you realize that when a heart has been battered and bruised the instinct that kicks in is to protect me and survival. You stop to feel or seek for more... 

"Any man will do as long as my needs are met." 

"Any man will do as long as they want me or make me feel wanted."

"All men cheat so what difference does it make?"

"This is how it's done these days."

A mental shift has occurred and instead of seeing the external. "she is committing adultery." look a little closer, listen carefully to the heart and that is where you will find the root of it all. 

Sometimes it is retaliation or exasperation but unless you look at it like that you will never find the core. I'm not justifying peoples actions but sometimes this is where first impressions don't count. Something went horribly wrong in the heart and mind of this individual who lives their life knowing full on they may be breaking a home, a family, a covenant. It's only when you look at it beyond what meets the eye that you could possibly relate and deal with the real issue.

These two encounters are only the tip of the iceberg to a concept that runs much deeper and affects us all all the time. I don’t know exactly what circumstances you have faced/are facing where you have made a judgement on somebody else and ultimately that judgement has stopped you from being able to help, receive from or even relate with that person, however, I hope and pray that my two experiences help you to perhaps think a little more about these instances where you need to cut people some slack and possibly even yourself. We are complex beings and things are never plain and simple. Our lives are not lived in black and white but in sooo many different colours…some are fusions of two different picks while others are simply different shades of the same colour. Wrapping our heads round all we are is an incomprehensible feat but if we at least try to look a look a little closer them maybe we can uncover the heart…

XOXO

Chido Dziva Chikwari

Biblical Reference 

Jeremiah 17:9-10

The Message (MSG)

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,

    a puzzle that no one can figure out.

But I, God, search the heart

    and examine the mind.

I get to the heart of the human.

    I get to the root of things.

I treat them as they really are,

    not as they pretend to be.”

Romans 2:1-3

New King James Version (NKJV)

God’s Righteous Judgment

Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. 2 But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. 3 And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God?