To Trust or Not to Trust. God?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

If I trust him to do something and then he doesn't do it,

Or it doesn't pan out the way I wanted it to

Or even PRAYED for it to be,

Then that could ultimately BREAK my trust in him.

That could lead to me not believing in him. 

Not believing in his promise to answer my prayers.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I mean the bible does say:

"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, You can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."

That same bible also says,

"...whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours".

But the thing is I have prayed to God believing things will happen before,

Full of faith,

Convicted of results.

But then they didn't happen!

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

Don't get me wrong,

I'm not doubting the power of God.

I know he is all capable and all powerful.

I know he answers Prayers.

I know God CAN.

The question is where am I getting it wrong?

Why is it that sometimes my bunker buster prayers get a 'no' answer?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

Is it that I lack Faith? (as small as a mustard seed)

Is it that those things are not part of Gods' plan?...

Coz if it’s like that then why bother.

Why pray if HIS PLAN is what's going to prevail?
 Was I praying wrong?
How does this Faith-Answered prayers-Moving mountains thing work?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

So what I decided to do subconsciously,

My "short term contingency plan",

Was to stop expecting things from God.

I stopped praying EXPECTING results

But instead began making SUGGESTIONS to God.

I don't pray bold, definitive prayers anymore,

I make suggestions.

"God please, it would be nice if..."

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't want to be disappointed or angry with God.

I want to keep the peace.

I want to keep that belief that he is all powerful and in control,

That if I ASK and have faith in him to ACT, He Will.

I want to always believe that he has the power to and will grant the deep desires of my heart.

So I keep the peace.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't ask for much JUST IN CASE I don't get it.

I don't expect spectacular things from God,

Just in case he doesn't pull though.

That way if he does it’s a bonus.

If he does, I'm pleasantly surprised.

I'm happy.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't know how long ago this started.

I don't know what exactly led to these sentiments.

What I do know is that things are NOT supposed to be like this.

I am meant to trust God ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS.

I'm meant to believe in him and answered prayers.

What I don't get is HOW DOES IT WORK?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

BY

CHIDO DZIVA CHIKWARI

 

I'm hoping this piece is self-explanatory but yeah this is what I'm dealing with at the moment. I know for certain that things always work out eventually. Like God always has the best in mind for me but it's just that when it comes to this whole prayer, "I know you will do it for me God" thing I realised that in all honesty I dont even go to God with mega boldness and walk around confidently like, "I know I got that Job, In Jesus' name". I'm like "Yeah I applied for the job but if I dont get it it's cool". And then on the other end of the coin I know christians who are like that first example. They pray and confidently go out declaring things that happen. I used to be like that. I want to be like that. Maybe I just need to start speaking things into being and that will help excercise my faith and cast away the doubt. I don't know hey. I know there will be more learned people out there in terms of the knowledge and wisdom of how God works and they could shun me as being immature or foolish but yes, it is what it is. This is how I feel. And the truth of the matter is I don’t think I’m alone on this one.

So yes, where I’m at now is I'm just praying for God to correct me and show me where I'm going wrong. Prayer is just the first stop though, the bible is Gods handbook to life and life situations like this so I'm going to be searching the scriptures more and more to try and get a better understanding of this Faith thing. I'm going to start excercising faith in the little things like just speaking it in faith even though I'm not sure and may be doubting. Someone once said there is power in our words soo yeah I'm going to work on the things I utter. Fear or no fear. Scare the devil and whatever situations I face with MY WORDS...if that doesn't scare him it might just awaken or shake something up that's inside me. Move myself to faith I guess. Oh yes once preacher once said that you cannot pray for faith, that kinda led me to the question how do you get faith? Anyway that's me on another tangent.

One more pit stop that I have found to be very helpful in the past is speaking to people who are like more grounded in this whole Christianity-Faith-God thing so for me I'm blessed enough to be part of a small church where I have easy access to my pastors and stuff so I always approach them asking about stuff and well that will probably be one of the next steps I take to finding out wassup!
 

Wow so I guess these are like three easy steps that anyone can take when they have questions or are dealing with any 'life' stuff:
 

1) Pray: Tell God how you feel. Be real and open with him.

2) Read the Bible: It’s our life manual. Study it.

3) Get expert advice: Speak to a pastor or a counsellor or someone who hopefully knows more about this kind of stuff.
 

Hope it helps. 

 

God bless.

Biblical References

Hebrews 11:1
Now Faith is the substance of things hoped form, the evidence of things unseen."

Luke 17:6
 

Mark 11:24

Passion: A close relative of Greatness and Success

Passion

Emotion

Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

"What Takes You the Extra Mile, to True Greatness and Success, is PASSION.

What are you Passionate about?"

In all this thought and conversation about my life after University, what I was going to do and how I was going to obtain 'success' I started thinking of all those people that have 'made it' in life. All these people I had heard of or knew that were 'high flyers' and those who had had doors amazingly open for them to enter greater heights. I thought if I can do what they have done I’ll reach where they have. One element that popped up was hard work but then I thought of all those people I knew who were always working hard all the time and things just never seemed to materialize for them. And upon looking deeper I think I spotted what I now think is a key element to true success, PASSION.

I realized that true greatness and success is only achieved once you start pursuing those things you are passionate about. And that the people who seem to be 'struggling' in life, the ones that I know who are already out there in the 'playing field', are the ones who I have no clue what they are passionate about. I mean they are out there working hard and everything but when I really thought about it I noticed I had no idea (in all the years I have known them) what makes their blood rush faster. Their goals and ambitions weren't ever clearly defined or articulated to me. I don't even think it’s about saying it but there are just those people you know are in a frenzy about for example politics and politics is what they are. The opposite was true for all those I knew who were go getters, the ones who were making great strides to places I could see. The ones who I wouldn't be afraid to invest in (if I had the capacity). They were the ones who had a vision and goal in sight, fixated on something they felt deeply about within their hearts. The amazing thing is that I had always asked myself time and time again why it is that some people work so hard and fail while some get things handed to them easier. Is it that some are more deserving than others?

I honestly don't think Einstein would be where he was/is now if he wasn't passionate about Physics. He probably wouldn't have pushed so hard to succeed. He probably would have made it through life just like every other scientist; getting by. This is not to say that passion is the be all and end all to success. It's coupled with a lot of things like hard work and perseverance but if you truly love something and believe in it working hard at it will be easier, wouldn't it? I also strongly believe that God has placed unique talents and gifts in each and every one of us and that the gift comes hand in hand with the things that make your blood rush quicker. And with that said Proverbs 18:16 says, "A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men.” Therefore once you start operating in your gifting doors are going to be opened for you into those 'higher' levels.

With this new piece of information I now understand that 'failure' sometimes is because you are playing the wrong game. A game that's not yours to begin with and that what’s going to get you to where you need to be in life, to make you happy and provide success, is the things you are passionate about. Your passion is what's going to take you where you want to be and beyond. Once you figure it out FOCUS on it and RUN! Don't allow other things to distract you! Don't compromise on it! Take hold of it and go with it.

With that said I leave you with the following question; "What are you Passionate about?”

XOXO

Chido Dziva Chikwari

P.S.
1) Success doesn't necessarily mean money. 

2) I wonder why the word 'passion' is so closely linked to sex. Whats-up with that? 

3) Personally I still haven't figured out what I am passionate about but ya there are a few things that come real easy to me and what I'm going to do now is write all those things down as well as those things I can spend hours and hours doing without complaining (excluding sleep) and see how I can make all that work for me. Also by virtue of my God relationship I also believe whatever I do must also be for the advancement of Gods kingdom in one way or the other coz truthfully speaking it profits me nothing to go on and on for and on myself for the rest of my life. I want to be part of something bigger than myself. In fact I already am a part of something bigger than myself but now it's on me to play a bigger more active role there. Oh yeah and another thing I didn't address which is something I'm asking myself right now is, 'how do you find out what you are passionate about?' I honestly don't know hey but ya if you don't know good starting points like I said are things like what you enjoy, what you are good at and then think of practical ways to put those things into action. Make sense? :) I sure hope so. If it's still tricky and tough just remember you are not in this alone. There are millions of people out there asking themselves the same questions but ya whatever you do stay true to yourself. Be YOU and you'll find YOUR way!!!! :)

Lotsa Love!

They Need It More Than I Do

I thought I had a little

I thought I was struggling

I thought I needed help.

Until....

Until I went searching

Searching for someone to HELP ME!

What I found astounded me...

I discovered there are many of us.

Many of us searching

An ocean of people looking for help

Dozens and dozens of us with needs.

In that first instance it was like: "Quick, Join the Queue!"

How do I get myself to the front?

How do I get what I need first?

Then I looked around.

Checking out my 'competition'.

BUT!

But what I saw startled me. 

My heart broke

I was humbled

I drew back.

Why?

So many more people needed help more than I did

So many had deeper and more critical constraints than I

They needed it more than I did.

I realized how tiny and insignificant my needs were in the greater scope of things.

What I wanted was A LOT but its a different ball game when you see.

When you see the need of the next person being so basic.

Basic enough that I have it, have always had it

And yet,

and yet I take it for granted.

Never having considered it as significant.

Then I felt ashamed,

Why am I asking?

Why should anyone give me?

And in that instant things changed,

Instead of getting I just felt like giving now,

Giving the 'little' that I had...

In fact now I had A LOT,

More than enough

And they,

They needed it more than I did.

The challenge I pose today is for everyone to LOOK BEYOND themselves,

It's amazing the things you will discover.

In truth you are probably doing much better than you think you are.

In truth your problems probably aren't that big.

In truth you can Lend a Hand.

You can be the one to Help Someone.

 

XOXO

Chido Dziva Chikwari

Okay so this post was actually inspired by a real life experience were I felt exactly like I described but worse. I really felt bad for thinking I had a problem. For thinking that someone out there who has more than me should GIVE ME. When you get that slap in the face moment and realize the world is bigger than you and that there are people with problems greater than yourself it changes things. Also  when you find that YOU actually have the capacity to be that someone to help it's puzzling, humbling and awesome at the same time! I see my situation differently now, it kinda sucks that I'm not at the front of the 'pity' queue but its also great that I'm not doing half bad and that I can also help someone else. Bitter sweet moment I guess but yeah I'm going to act on what I learnt and I hope this will help someone else too. Just to make things clearer 'help' can be something like money or maybe even just being there for someone else, like being a friend or......... (I can't think of anything else right now but I hope you get my point).

God Bless!

Biblical References

Acts 20:35

^"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’"

That Not-so-Good-BYE!

I have come to accept that many people will and have walked in and out of my life,
The circumstances for each entry and exit are so diverse and varied,
But the point I want to emphasize today is encapsulated with those that have left,
Some stayed for long stretches- years and years
And for some it was a brief encounter- experienced in a moment.
I don't believe parting is ever filled with 'good' emotions and yet it happens so often.
We've labeled it Goodbye...what is so good about BYE?
They say the only constant in life is change,
But that  'goodbye' moment is a phenomenon I have not been able to grasp...
I struggle with goodbyes.
Although each exit meant separation in whatever 'physical' form its never really been goodbye.
Fragments of each persons existence in my life will always remain with me,
Never to be erased,
Some elements may fade like:
The sound of each voice,
The scent of each persona,
The intricacies of our conversation,
BUT
The impact of each encounter, however short it may have been will always remain with me.
I guess I'll have to take solace in Ecclesiastes 3 that says,

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 

a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace."

So as each appointed person makes their exit I must accept:

There is a time for everything, 

Including a time for That NOT-so-good-BYE.

Love Always

Chido Dziva Chikwari 

This piece was inspired by what I think was/is the onset of a goodbye, a goodbye that I really don't want to say or experience but because of circumstances I might have to endure :( And well, I just realized that I have had many people who I got really close to in the past but I'm actually not friends with anymore. In some instances someone may have wronged the other person or maybe we just grew apart but inevitably those relationships shifted and in a way ended. Chisingaperi chinoshura right?? Jokes!! No... 

But ya on a serious note the other element that's not cool at all is death. I'm no pro at that but ya when you are faced with a situation like loosing a loved one its always that not so good bye. I guess the moral of it all is appreciate and enjoy each relationship, all the good of that season and when the time to say bye comes you accept that the season is over, hold onto the all good memories and then move on.