To Trust or Not to Trust. God?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

If I trust him to do something and then he doesn't do it,

Or it doesn't pan out the way I wanted it to

Or even PRAYED for it to be,

Then that could ultimately BREAK my trust in him.

That could lead to me not believing in him. 

Not believing in his promise to answer my prayers.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I mean the bible does say:

"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, You can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."

That same bible also says,

"...whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours".

But the thing is I have prayed to God believing things will happen before,

Full of faith,

Convicted of results.

But then they didn't happen!

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

Don't get me wrong,

I'm not doubting the power of God.

I know he is all capable and all powerful.

I know he answers Prayers.

I know God CAN.

The question is where am I getting it wrong?

Why is it that sometimes my bunker buster prayers get a 'no' answer?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

Is it that I lack Faith? (as small as a mustard seed)

Is it that those things are not part of Gods' plan?...

Coz if it’s like that then why bother.

Why pray if HIS PLAN is what's going to prevail?
 Was I praying wrong?
How does this Faith-Answered prayers-Moving mountains thing work?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

So what I decided to do subconsciously,

My "short term contingency plan",

Was to stop expecting things from God.

I stopped praying EXPECTING results

But instead began making SUGGESTIONS to God.

I don't pray bold, definitive prayers anymore,

I make suggestions.

"God please, it would be nice if..."

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't want to be disappointed or angry with God.

I want to keep the peace.

I want to keep that belief that he is all powerful and in control,

That if I ASK and have faith in him to ACT, He Will.

I want to always believe that he has the power to and will grant the deep desires of my heart.

So I keep the peace.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't ask for much JUST IN CASE I don't get it.

I don't expect spectacular things from God,

Just in case he doesn't pull though.

That way if he does it’s a bonus.

If he does, I'm pleasantly surprised.

I'm happy.

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

I don't know how long ago this started.

I don't know what exactly led to these sentiments.

What I do know is that things are NOT supposed to be like this.

I am meant to trust God ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS.

I'm meant to believe in him and answered prayers.

What I don't get is HOW DOES IT WORK?

I think I'm having problems with my FAITH.

I think I'm AFRAID to TRUST GOD.

I'm afraid to trust him to do something,

Just in case he doesn't do it.

BY

CHIDO DZIVA CHIKWARI

 

I'm hoping this piece is self-explanatory but yeah this is what I'm dealing with at the moment. I know for certain that things always work out eventually. Like God always has the best in mind for me but it's just that when it comes to this whole prayer, "I know you will do it for me God" thing I realised that in all honesty I dont even go to God with mega boldness and walk around confidently like, "I know I got that Job, In Jesus' name". I'm like "Yeah I applied for the job but if I dont get it it's cool". And then on the other end of the coin I know christians who are like that first example. They pray and confidently go out declaring things that happen. I used to be like that. I want to be like that. Maybe I just need to start speaking things into being and that will help excercise my faith and cast away the doubt. I don't know hey. I know there will be more learned people out there in terms of the knowledge and wisdom of how God works and they could shun me as being immature or foolish but yes, it is what it is. This is how I feel. And the truth of the matter is I don’t think I’m alone on this one.

So yes, where I’m at now is I'm just praying for God to correct me and show me where I'm going wrong. Prayer is just the first stop though, the bible is Gods handbook to life and life situations like this so I'm going to be searching the scriptures more and more to try and get a better understanding of this Faith thing. I'm going to start excercising faith in the little things like just speaking it in faith even though I'm not sure and may be doubting. Someone once said there is power in our words soo yeah I'm going to work on the things I utter. Fear or no fear. Scare the devil and whatever situations I face with MY WORDS...if that doesn't scare him it might just awaken or shake something up that's inside me. Move myself to faith I guess. Oh yes once preacher once said that you cannot pray for faith, that kinda led me to the question how do you get faith? Anyway that's me on another tangent.

One more pit stop that I have found to be very helpful in the past is speaking to people who are like more grounded in this whole Christianity-Faith-God thing so for me I'm blessed enough to be part of a small church where I have easy access to my pastors and stuff so I always approach them asking about stuff and well that will probably be one of the next steps I take to finding out wassup!
 

Wow so I guess these are like three easy steps that anyone can take when they have questions or are dealing with any 'life' stuff:
 

1) Pray: Tell God how you feel. Be real and open with him.

2) Read the Bible: It’s our life manual. Study it.

3) Get expert advice: Speak to a pastor or a counsellor or someone who hopefully knows more about this kind of stuff.
 

Hope it helps. 

 

God bless.

Biblical References

Hebrews 11:1
Now Faith is the substance of things hoped form, the evidence of things unseen."

Luke 17:6
 

Mark 11:24