Too difficult to Love

This isn’t the sort of heart that you walk right into, 

Finding fresh warm linen ready and waiting for you. 

No. 

This heart is a battlefield. 

Filled with landmines that lay hidden and forgotten, 

Waiting to explode at the slightest movement. 

In the words of those who have gone before you... 

I’m too difficult to love. 

xoxo 

Chido Dziva Chikwari 

I have been told repeatedly the reasons why I am either not desirable or unlikely to ever find someone. I have been told things like you are too independent, too strong, too intimidating, too up tight etc etc. All by potential suitors who eventually give up on their pursuit and move on. Maybe I have just been scarred too many times and my walls are indeed too high. However, I’m often left wondering if it is supposed to be easy for a man to walk into my life and take claim on my heart. 

Is it supposed to be easy? 

Or are you supposed to prove yourself worthy?

In the same spirit I am also aware that I am not a bed of roses or a walk in a park. I have high expectations for him AND for myself. I have issues and emotional baggage; I’m working on both but for now it’s still there. So, for these and other reasons I concede that I am “too difficult to love” and perhaps this is a pursuit to be won only by the brave and strong!

Keep Shining. 

27 lessons before my 27th...

I’m turning 27 this month and I figured that this is the perfect time to do some reflective thinking. Because writing is what I do I decided to create a list of some of the biggest lessons I have picked up along the way and because this is an occasion type list “27 lessons” was the goal. I ended up with tonnes more than 27 so this is an edited list – in no specific order. I hope at least one of these speaks to you… 

1. Be specific about your goals and where you are going. Write it down, say it out loud, repeat it to yourself.
2. Do you and never compare yourself to the next person. Life is so much better that way! 
3. Work hard, it pays. I truly believe and have seen that you reap what you sow.
4. Your happiness comes from within. Don't make it someone else's responsibility. 
5. People matter. At the end of the day it really is all about your circle; your family, your friends, your tribe. Hold onto them. 
6. Give and be a blessing to others. There is something empowering and magical about living beyond just you.
7. Enjoy life and live in the moment. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. 
8. Your time is valuable. Manage it well. You only get what each day gives – 24 hours. 
9. You matter!  
10. Guard your heart and your peace. Be intentional about this. 
11. Speak. It doesn’t matter how you do it but express yourself. 
12. Don’t be held prisoner by things in your head. The other side of your fears isn’t that bad. 
13. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Fight.
14. Travel. The world is a beautiful place.
15. Rest and take good care of yourself.
16. Grow someone - it grows you.
17. Read. It grows you. There is so much out there that you do not know. 
18. You never stop learning. Never! Keep an eye out for opportunities to learn something in every encounter or event. 
19. Life is full of surprises, but detours aren’t always a bad thing.
20. Be patient with yourself and others. 
21. If it’s what you want, go for it! Having regrets is not a nice feeling. 
22. It will be okay. Worry doesn’t serve you and the rain clouds won’t remain forever. 
23. Sometimes you will need holding up - friends and family
24. Celebrate your successes, even the small ones. This keeps you going. 
25. Trust your gut instincts. I’ve never known mine to let me down. 
26. You are capable of saying no to and walking away from things that do not serve you (without feeling bad about it). 
27. Keep shining!

xoxo 

Chido Dziva Chikwari