3 things I have learnt from my 1 year old

#1

How to be Happy: Just Be!

Anyone who has met my son knows just how HAPPY he is. He is always so happy! He smiles effortlessly and at every chance he gets. You can't be mad at him for long and you definitely can't be grumpy around him for too long either. He laughs, he dances, he sings and he loves for everyone around him to participate. Through him I've learnt just how little it takes to be happy. All you have to be is happy. Happiness  not an external force where you have to wait for something to happen. Happiness comes from within. I know that sounds extremely cliche but truth be told through my son I have learnt to be content with today, to see the beauty in small things and to just enjoy the tiny and seemingly insignificant things around me that have the power to lift my spirit instantaneously. Fittingly one of my favorite quotes this year is from James Richardson and he says, "Happiness, like water, is always available, but so often it seems we'd prefer a different drink." For my son and I spur of the moment dance parties to no music are our thing. Spending time with us is definitely not for the down hearted.

#2

Things take time: Keep at It!

I remember when he started walking. I was filled with joy! I was so excited but that excitement soon turned into deep rooted anxiety every time he got up. Walking was DANGEROUS!!! He had NO BALANCE! He fell over countless times and it was very scary for me. I was afraid he would bump his head and get hurt but the little guy didn't give up. . He'd take two steps, fall over (while I held my breath) and get back up again to take another two steps before falling over all over again. He would get up unfazed each time. That was a traumatic time for me but now he literally runs everywhere!!! He still falls over and it still stops my heart each time but the worst is over and he's officially a pro at the whole walking thing.

Walking is just one example of how he has taught me perseverance. Another is how every time we go to the grocery store I have been trying to teach him how we have to pay for stuff before we eat or claim them for ourselves. Needless to say I've been on the receiving end of tantrums as well as stares from other shoppers for a very long time but I got such a pleasant surprise a few weeks ago when he initiated placing all his goodies on the counter for check out. My persistence finally paid!!! Now he knows, "Pay first!"

There is a famous quote that goes, "Winners are not people who never fail but people who never quit!" We are all ‘children’ in many regards and it helps to remember that things take time and that in the process there is no shame in failing/falling a couple 1000 times. To be a child is to trip and fall, countless times but rising still. Don’t give up!

#3

Get up and DO something!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my sleep! I love my ‘rest’ time and am perfectly content with just being! Being in my bed, doing absolutely nothing for an entire weekend doesn’t faze me one bit but my son is the complete opposite. He is extremely energetic and always geared to go. Because of him I’ve had to plan activities in advance and jam packed days all the time because there is no peace unless we are doing something!!! As a result I think I’m constantly in a ‘tired’ state but I’ve also LIVED a little. In the past year+ we have been out and about all over Harare, in different cities and countries. We go! And I strongly believe I am richer for it. I have made memories with my son and other people in the process: my friends and family.

There is a quote by Paulo Coelho that goes, 'Do something instead of killing time. Because time is killing you.' So in the literal sense every day we are stepping closer to the day that we leave this earth and so every day counts, right? In as much as I love to rest I realize that 20, 30, 40 years from now I will look back and think, “What did I do with my life?” I know memories of reading novels in bed will fade and that my sons’ childhood is also passing fast so getting up and DOING SOMETHING is a pretty good idea. Even if it means we are up to draw stick men or make mud pies, those moments of bonding are absolutely priceless. My son has taught me to make the days count!

Akaenda Kunoshandirwa

Nguva yakanga yareba zvinhu zvake zvisingamufambire.

Kutaura chokwadi akange aneta.

Akange aneta nekurara nenzara,

Nekuseva usavi pasina nyama.

Nekukwereta kwereta kuti zvibatane.

Izvo zvikwereti zvakange zvawanda.

Kana iko kumaraini aitonyara kufamba,

Aiti pada ndingaonekwe naTendai kana naJessy oro Sekuru Thomas.

Akaenda kunoshandirwa.

Mudzimai akange ave nemwedzi mitatu adzokera,

Adzokera zvese nevana vavo kuvabereki vake.

Ko ndaivapei?

Nzara!

Ko iko kunetsana kwacho,

Zuva nezuva kupopotedzana.

Nzara!

Ko uri murume pakuti chii usingakwanise kuriritira mhuri yako?

Akaenda kunoshandirwa.

Kuti pada angawane mhinduro,

Mhinduro kuti nei mushanyi akasvika mumba make aramba kuoneka,

Nhamo!

Kuti nei yamumomotera ikamumbundikira,

Ikamusaidzira pasi kusvika otadza kusimuka,

Otadza kubuda mairi,

Nhamo!

Akaenda kunoshandirwa.

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

Sometimes when we are down to the last straw we search for answers in unorthodox places. Desperation makes you do things you otherwise wouldn't. Desperation makes you do things that onlookers view as madness. 

This piece is about a man whose life has hit rock bottom. It speaks of how he is tired of sleeping on an empty stomach. How he owes so many people money and is now afraid to be seen in his neighborhood. It narrates how his wife, together with their children, left him because he couldn't take care of them anymore. He speaks of how the hunger in the home made them fight so much and how his wife began to question his manhood, " How can you call yourself a man when you cannot even take care of your own family?" It talks about how poverty is a visitor who came into his home and refused to leave. How poverty beat him up and wrapped itself around him until he could not get away. 

The thread that runs through the narration is that "akaenda kunoshandirwa". A direct translation to English would be that "he went to get worked on" i.e. deliverance from evil spirits. There are different meanings to that because kunoshandirwa can be in the Christian form where you go to a faith healer or a prophet but it can also be the traditional sense where you go to a n'anga (witch doctor) or spirit medium. In this "story" he goes kunoshandirwa in search of answers. He asks why poverty will not leave him.

It was inspired by a friends lived experience and I believe in rings true to the times. Zvinhu zvaoma (times are tough) particularly in the Zimbabwean context. Families have been torn apart and for some hunger has become the norm, it has gripped their lives. Many are riddled with debt and are literally on their knees making it through each day as it comes and for some this has pushed them to seek answers and refuge in the spiritual.

"When you do everything humanly possible you leave it to God to take over" is what he said to me then akaenda kunoshandirwa.