Why I write

I write as a release,

As if putting it on paper will deliver me.

I write to understand,

As if articulating it will help me see the bigger picture,

The paper - a blank canvas…united with the pen,

My thoughts on display so I can see.

I write to preserve,

My memories so slippery they can easily be forgotten,

lost…

So I write to store them,

To freeze my thoughts and my emotions in time,

So that one day I can remember I write.

I write to express,

Where spoken word can often fail me,

I put my voice on paper,

Where it can be heard loudly by those who care to read.

I write as a release,

As if putting it on paper will deliver me.

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

Somebody asked me why I have a blog. Why I put stuff online where everyone can see it and not in a diary. Of course I do have a diary but why the blog? I never managed to give them an answer and up until now I guess it’s still a question awaiting a response. I’ve thought it through a few times and every possible answer doesn’t quite do it full justice, however, along the way I discovered why I write. Besides getting lost in time when I do it I feel as though writing is all the things above for me…a release, a think pad, a store and an expression point. I enjoy it and often I go through some of the things I’ve written in years past and think WOW, my words take me back in time and while I read the thoughts and the feelings from back then come alive and it’s as if I’m right back there when I wrote it. In that instance my writing serves as my experiences embalmed…preserved.  

With that said I guess in a way my writing can also be a part of me that remains when I’m gone. The legacy that I leave behind, the fragments and echo’s of Chido that will outlive me sprawled all over my blog for whatever reason.

Keep Shining  J

I'd like for you to know me

I'd like for you to know me

To see deeper than meets the eye

To understand where it all comes together, 

The past,

The present,

The future.

I'd like for you to know me. 

To know me so that I don’t have to explain myself, 

To try make you understand.

The when,

The where,

The how,

The why?

I'd like for you to know me. 

I'd like for you to have been there when ideas where birthed, 

When challenges where met and obstacles overcome, 

When I faced defeat, 

When I cried and  when I laughed. 

I'd like for you to have been there,

So that may you could understand.

I'd like for you to understand, 

To understand why things are the way they are, 

To interpret my actions,

To see behind the veil so carefully woven.

I'd like for you to know me. 

I'd like for you to see, 

To see that this is but a mask, 

A shadow of what’s covered inside, 

If only you could see. 

Then maybe you would know.

Xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

 

I’ve met a lot of people in the past few months and I must confess that for me the initial getting to know someone is one of the most exciting times in a relationship. To me it’s kinda like opening up a new gift where you shake it a bit to sort of try and figure out what it could be, remove the wrapping paper to see what's underneath and then finally opening up the box then Voila! It’s exciting. However, one thing that I have learnt is that as human beings we are such complex beings. Never is really as it seems and who we are is formed over years and years and can never really be exhausted in even 2 or 3 years of getting to know someone. Like a carefully wrapped present there are layers and layers to be uncovered to get to the depth of an individual. 

I mean I often struggle with trying to figure myself out, my friends whom I've known for over 10 years and my siblings who I've  lived with practically my entire life. It’s a tough feat. And then you meet someone who you wish you could do a “download entire history”. Someone you'd like to do a full expose to but even with all the time in the world narrating all your life experiences, all your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your plans, your opinions would be an impossible feat. Getting someone to understand it all in its entirety is daunting really. Like I said I struggle with explaining myself or a decision I made ¾ of the time. Anyway that’s kinda where this post is coming from and well I understand that a 'full expose' is not likely going to happen ever and maybe it’s part of the beauty of life, that you keep discovering new things; new things about yourself, new things about the world and all that’s in it. It may well be part of the grand plan that only one person, God, knows all of it and you for who you truly are…inside and outside J  

Keep Shining