“To try and fail; is better than failing to try” they said.
So, I made an attempt.
I tried.
I put my fears aside.
I stared uncertainty in the eye,
And there I was again,
Vulnerable to the consequences of “putting yourself out there”.
Trying.
I am on the other side now.
My fears seeming much smaller than before my attempt.
My wounds remind me of what I have overcome,
They ache initially,
But as they heal they leave only scars of remembrance.
Tomorrow I will try again,
Maybe fortune will be on my side.
xoxo
Chido Dziva Chikwari
A short story about the inspiration behind this piece:
I thought I was over relationships and very happy alone then I met someone nice and thought, “Oooh let me give this a try!” To cut a very long story short that attempted relationship clearly didn’t lead to anything for several reasons BUT at the very least we all got this blog post out of it: the moral being TRY!
I honestly think I do single very well. I’m quite happy being alone. I don’t struggle with feeling lonely (maybe also because of baby boy) and I’m always kept busy with work and school for the greater part of my life. I also have a large circle of amazing friends who give me more than enough attention when I crave it so for the most part i’m good. However, this encounter did debunk a few of my previous misconceptions:
I am too busy to be in a relationship and I just don’t have the time.
It’s a lie. Yes, my life is hectic but time can be made. Possibly my “lack of time” may have contributed to the subsequent failure of the attempted relationship but for a minute I actually managed to engage mwanakoma wevamwe vanhu.
I have commitment and trust issues.
I do, but I now believe that when you come across a good munhu (note I did not say "the one") some/most of these things seize to play a pivotal role in making the decision to date or not to date.
Hazvishande.
In an ideal world these things (relationships) may actually have the potential to work out. Yes, I was not a believer before and I may have been converted!! Crazy, right?
So yes, I put myself out there for the first time in a very long time and I didn’t die. I didn’t weep buckets after it didn’t work out (maybe that’s telling of something else) but I am really proud of myself for successfully opening myself up to the possibility of something. I learnt a lot about myself and my outlook on relationships has shifted slightly. So, as a result, I’m a little excited about what the future may hold. In the meantime, let me get back to caring mostly about myself, my son and my work - life is definitely less stressful that way!
Keep shining!! :)
P.S. Shout out to my mom who reads ALL my blog posts! Posts like this one tend to result in short awkward conversations so this is me mentally preparing myself (YIKES!). I love you Mom!!
