Whole

“(S)he wasn’t supposed to fill you up.

This is why (s)he will never be enough.

 Those spaces you were supposed to fill.

By loving yourself, accepting yourself, growing yourself.”

 ~Whole

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

For some reason, this line keeps popping up everywhere and I’m not sure if it’s because I am supposed to learn something from it or if it is generally just a cliché being tossed around lately  à ”Happiness Comes from Within.”

I wrote this piece with someone else in mind but in retrospect I think it is a lesson for me as well and possibly a neat follow on to a pervious blog post I wrote, “On Finding Someone”. In that piece one of the messages I shared was that when/if I eventually find a significant other that person should only be adding to an already wholesome life. This is the ideal, however, we all know that in real life we all have our broken places. We all have our weaknesses and countless imperfections. No one is perfect and the beauty of life I guess is that we are all works in progress.

Despite this though I am a strong believer in putting your best foot forward and think that sometimes we put a lot of strain on our partners and relationships and fault them when it is actually ourselves we should be working on. Your partner, no matter how loving, caring and attentive they are can never really go in and fix the insides of you. Only you can do that and unfortunately when our partnerships fail sometimes it is not that the team was wrong but inherently each one of us was ‘wrong’.

Examples of this that I can think of include:

• Jealousy
• Uncertainty about what you want and your expectations for the relationship 
• Distrust
• Emotional Dependency or strong sense of Independence
• Fear
• Inherent feelings of inadequacy (Insecurities)

You may have legitimate reasons to back up why you feel the way you do but the next person can only do so much to remedy this. If anything, they are more likely to bring out these issues.

I read a quote recently that said, “The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” My challenge in this post and a challenge for myself too is this: Consider working on yourself this year. For the benefit of yourself and also for everyone around you; learn to love yourself, accept yourself and grow yourself. Try to fill yourself up by taking on one/some of those broken places.

Image Source: Nakai Kazhanje
@sihle_kazh

Disclaimer: Be very careful about the relationship advice you take from a single person!

Keep Shining :)