It’s Easy To Forget

It's easy to forget,
When time goes by,
and the years stack up.
When life crowds your space,
and clouds your mind,
It's easy to forget.

To forget,
Why you started,
and the passion that drove you.
Why you took this path in the first place,
and why you are here.
It's easy to forget.

To forget,
That this wasn't just for you,
for the money and nice things.
That the vision didn't end here,
the title and the tasks.
It's easy to forget.

xoxo
Chido Dziva Chikwari

This post was inspired by a conference I attended recently. It has been about 3 years since I finished my undergraduate degree and decided to come back home. The reasons for coming back were varied but I remember having this strong drive to "make a difference in my country". I remember when I started working in the community and the sense of purpose I had when I'd wake up to go to work every morning. When I worked with the children and saw them every day I felt strongly that I was fulfilling exactly that which I had so passionately written down in my university application forms, "giving back and making a difference!”

The first clinic I worked at- Budiriro Polyclinic

But as time passed all of this sort of slipped away. I guess "life" started happening or something because my focus sort of shifted to other things. I started getting more concerned about Me. Thinking about how I wasn't getting paid enough for the work I did. Thinking about how I wanted to do abcde with MY life. The focus had shifted and with that came a lot of dissatisfaction. Work became more mundane and I thought maybe this was simply because I had now moved away from the clinic setting and didn't get to see the patients I had been working so excitedly for. I started just going through the routines of life and thoughts of leaving the country crept in. I wasn't miserable or anything but I had lost that drive.

Me doing a rapid HIV test. I actually miss this.

This conference reminded me WHY I decided to come back to Zimbabwe. Why I chose to do my second degree and why the research I am doing is so important. It goes beyond just ME and in a way I've found that purpose again. That driving factor that allows me to dig deeper within myself and look forward to getting to work each day. Not to say that things like money and having to do abcde with your life don't matter but it's surprising to note that sometimes while you are busy taking care of what's important for your neighbour God is working hard at sorting out all of your stuff.

This is a lesson I feel I keep having to remind myself now (I used to be so much better at it) but yes, sometimes, we get stuck in a rut where we really shouldn't be. Sometimes we get so dissatisfied with what's on the outside when it's hardly the issue. Not to say that things on the outside are great but sometimes when you are stuck in a rut and "struggling" or "suffering" you need to trace your steps back and figure out why you started. Figure out what the vision was. It might be that you are in school and your grades are low and you've lost the drive completely, it might be a work situation like it was for me or it could be a relationship even with a friend or family member that has now grown cold or distant, it may even be your walk with God or any task you may have taken up or challenged yourself to accomplish.

My workspace. This was literally my office.

As always I hope this blog post will be able to help you with whatever it is that came to mind for you to as you read :)

Keep shining!