8 Things I've Learnt While I've been SINGLE!

Anyone who knows me knows that since forever there has always been someone. I'm not sure why this was (analysis for another day) but for the first time in my life I've had a really long period of 'singledom' and have actually been enjoying it (shock on me!). I honestly don't think it's only because I've got Malachi to keep me company and I'm busy with work as well as school; I truly feel that It's a soul happy where I've genuinely been at peace with myself and I'm perfectly content with going through the paces of this stage of my life as Chido.

Anyway I thought it would be cool to share a list of some of the things I've learnt while I've been single. 

1.

It's OKAY to be single.

It's not a shortcoming on your part. I don't know what else I can say here except that it really is OKAY! It doesn't hurt. Best before dates and marriage anxiety are a thing of the past for me. I know for some people these play a dominant role but I honestly feel in the bigger scope of things it really is OKAY. You don't need to pressure yourself. It might be that I haven't hit the third floor (30) yet though. LOL 

2.

There is more to me. 

In a way this has been a journey of self discovery. It's amazing the things you discover about yourself when they aren't hinging on someone else. When there are fewer consultations and only you get to decide where you'd like to be on a Saturday afternoon or Thursday evening decisions really are mostly about you and what YOU enjoy. The question here would then be who to do all this stuff with and this leads me on to lesson #3.... 

3.

I have AMAZING friends. 

Friends can sometimes go neglected when there is a significant other, needless to say mine haven't experienced ANY neglect in the months past. I love my friends and I'm glad I've had so much time to enjoy their love and presence in my life, they have always been there and I've known this  at the back of my mind but in this season I've really seen them stand and shine as pillars in my life. Guys! Friends are like FREE resources for EVERYTHING! They are literally on call 24/7 and love you unconditionally. Truthfully my friends have been abused but I wish I had tapped into this sooner!

4.

Being with someone, when the time comes will only be to add to an already wholesome life. 

Now I know I don't NEED someone. I know having someone in my life is an intentional choice not because of some inadequacy or gap left wanting. Companionship is great but life can be just as fulfilling while you are single. For some reason I haven't felt lonely. It might be that my life is generally busy with the baby on top of everything else and it may also be that I have a strong army of friends. I also haven't held back on trying out new things, travelling and connecting with new people. I've generally been so busy this past year+ and looking back the question is more of when would I have found the time to slot in a boyfriend. LOL 

5.

I like my space. 

I know relationships aren't about this but I like making my own decisions. I like not having to be accountable about where I am going, who I am with, how I spent my day, what my plan is for the next 10 years. I like that I can have my own structure without the added input of another. I like that I can do what I like with my hair without someone else's opinion mattering (my hair has really been through a lot!). I like taking short vacations on a whim. I like not having to leave the house all weekend. I like that I have the room to do that with zero questions asked (slight disclaimer here: I have to tell my parents because I still live under their roof but it's different with the parents).

6.

I have issues to sort through. 

It's easy to date someone and go through the paces of a relationship but having this time alone has made me aware of some of the things I have to deal with within. Some of the things I had overlooked previously. It made me realize how being with someone is a purposeful act and how in order to bring as well as receive the necessary share in a relationship being aware of your shortcomings can go a long way not only for yourself but for your partner as well.

7.

The prospect of "the one" is so exciting! 😂 

I think I'm at that single phase where I believe in LOVE and finding someone and the thing about a clean slate is you have room to dream and fantasize about "Prince Charming", mainly because I don't have to 'play him down' to anyone in my radius. I have been free to become aware of the character traits and personality of a guy I'd like to be with, the things he would value and the way he would make me feel. I think now I'm better able to spot a "Not Prince Charming" because I've had so much time to mold one.

8.

Companionship is worthwhile. 

At the end of the day it would be nice to do life with someone who HAS TO go out with me when I'm craving prawns, when I want to go watch a movie or have to attend a friends party or family gathering. Having someone with a shared chemistry to laugh at random things with, share your hearts desires with and your fears with is nice. I feel that while I'm viva "team single" chimwe nechimwe chinenguva yacho (each and every thing has its own time). Being with someone when the time is right most definitely has its perks. I'm looking forward to it and if for some reason that doesn't happen it's still okay too. 😉

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

Keep shining :)