Finding Our Feet

Everyone talks about your teens and how that is a confusing and difficult time.

But no one tells you about the twenties,

When you’re finding your feet!

Adulting…

By 25 you are done with school (hopefully)…

Or still stuck in school trying to ‘further your education’.

You’re not a child anymore but may still be in school,

Looking to mom and dad for support, financial support!

But also dying to stand on your own feet.

They also want you to!

If you’re done with school you’re working your first real job (hopefully)…

Or still looking for a job and trying to start paying your way.

Feeling inadequate when you get those rejection letters!

It’s amazing how many they can be.

You had dreams of how by 25 you’d have your own car,

Slaying at being a career man/woman,

Staying in your own apartment and making your own way.

But sometimes it doesn’t work like that.

Sometimes you’re still staying with the parents

Or if you’re lucky getting rent money from them.

You don’t want this.

If you are working at 25 it may not be that ideal job you always dreamed of,

And you’re seeing it as a stepping stone.

Working so hard for recognition,

Doing the donkey work and putting in the hours.

Frustrated

But…

Trying to make it work!

If you’re in a relationship (One of the lucky ones),

You’re thinking is he/she the one?

Am I ready to settle down?

Feeling like now is not the time for time wasters.

Trying to make it work!

If you’re not in a relationship…

Presumably you start to feel that apparent biological clock ticking,

Or you’re just counting the years.

When is Prince Charming going to show up?

And of course the Aunties and Grandmothers keep asking,

When are you going to introduce us to your man?

If you’re searching it may be that you’re feeling there isn’t much out there,

Lonely,

Seeking companionship.

It is nature’s way I’m told.  

You’re stuck in the middle.

Not a child anymore but not quite feeling like an adult.

You’re working at it.

Stuck in the middle.

You’re finding your feet.

Trying to make it work!

Adulting…

xoxo

Chido Dziva Chikwari

This piece was inspired by a conversation with one of my cousins who actually said to me, “This quarter life crisis just won't end. I still don't know what I am doing with my life.” I immediately got what he was saying and in a way it really tied together so many conversations I had been having with my friends during the past few weeks. Most of them are 25 like myself and while we may have a general direction for our lives we’re still finding our feet and trying to make it. We are the lucky ones. Some of us are still trying to figure out exactly where we are going, our ideals have been mish-mashed by ‘life’ and now what we have are mostly just questions, “Where is my life going?”

Career and Finances

At 25 you are right at the start, if you have started. For some of us we are still in the process of getting our masters degrees and for others we have just completed them or didn’t do the masters thing and started working/looking for work straight after the first degree. Some of us may even be sitting at home looking for these opportunities. We are entry level and maybe not even in the field we desire. Undoubtedly we are earning way less than we would hope for. We are working hard but aren’t quite there right now. It’s frustrating. It’s frustrating because even though we would like to now be standing on our own two feet a lot of us are still looking to the bank of mom and dad to sometimes step in and help us out. We don’t like this. We are ambitious. We want to do better. We know our potential and right now are still seeking for those opportunities to come to us. For most of us we had a plan and are feeling the pressure of maybe not achieving what we set out to achieve by 30. We are hungry.

Love and Relationships

I speak from the girl’s perspective so yes we are 25. We have reached that age where some of us are getting married, great! We have also reached the stage where some of us are in serious long standing relationships where the question that hovers over us day in and day out is so what next? And for some of us, despite this, we just aren’t ready to take the plunge. We may still be questioning if settling down right now is a good idea. If he/she is the one. We may also be questioning the finances, paying lobola, sustaining a family. We have also reached that stage where some of us are very single and those hama who like to push are pushing. Asking Questions. Some of us may even be pushing ourselves. We had ideals of being settled down and married by 27 but 26 is here and there isn’t even a single suitor in sight.  We have also reached that age where we realize that love and romance aren’t what we have always pictured as we were growing up. Most of us have been hurt and heartbroken. We are healing and trying to heal. We are seeking companionship while also trying to build our lives (see career above). We are finding ourselves; our grown up selves. We are trying to juggle romance and reality. Maybe the idea I had in mind about my prince charming just isn’t realistic? We are questioning and we are growing all at the same time.

We are quite literally finding our feet and learning to/trying to adult. It’s a whole new world. An entirely new ball game. It’s different to anything we have every experienced and it is also quite REAL. All of a sudden we aren’t sheltered from the harshness of ‘life’. It’s tough and it’s also a narration that we previously we haven’t heard much of. We’re still finding our feet.